White Whine: Stuff white people complain about

in Miscellaneous TV by griffn — August 25, 2009 at 10:37 pm | 1 comment

So last night I’m watching ABC’s summer fill-in reality show of the moment Dating in the Dark.  The premise of the show is that you take three guys and three girls and put them in a completely dark room together.  They can’t see each other’s faces or bodies, all they can do is interact through sound and touch.  And at the end of the show, they each get a brief look at the person they liked most and then get to decide whether to drive off with them in a Bentley or whether that person is so hideous they’d rather walk home alone dragging their carry-on luggage.

So, anyway, last night, this white guy comes out of the darkroom after a one-on-one date with a girl.  They had some nice convo, he got his feel on, slobbed her down a little; you got the feeling things went well.  He comes out of the room, goes into the kitchen, and this other white dude is like, “Bro, how’d the date go?”  He’s like, “I liked her a lot.  We really clicked.  But honestly, dude, I’m used to dating girls who have body types a lot thinner than hers.”

Mind you, this girl was thick, but not even Sherri Sheppard thick.  We’re talking like, what, Rachel Ray?  The other guy was like, “Well, let me ask you this, bro.  You like this girl a lot, you guys have definite chemistry.  But at the end of the day… could her thickness be a deal breaker for you?”

*tires screech*

Let me say that again.  “Could her thickness be a deal breaker for you?”

I’m sitting there thinking, this is a conversation that only white guys would have.  You put two black dudes in the same situation, the convo goes like this.  “Well, let me ask you this, son.  You hate this girl’s guts, y’all got nothing in common.  But at the end of the day… could her thickness seal the deal for you?”

Anyway, the point is this.  The things white folks complain about are both hilarious and mildly infuriating.  Thankfully, somebody had the idea of putting them all in one place.  Introducing White Whine, the evil twin website of the equally entertaining Stuff White People Like.  Every day, they post a new white person complaint.  Some of my favorites:

Ugh, Firefox updates ALL THE TIME now! There’s been, like, three in the last week!

How many more decades of TiVo recording five repeat episodes of The Daily Show every day will I have to endure?

People, it’s pronounced “ven-tee”, not “ven-tay.”

Oh God…The Jonas Brothers are going to be this generation’s Beatles, aren’t they?  How disappointing.

“Ugh, another cloudy day?  I have had transitions lenses for three days now and I have no idea if they even work.”

Now comes the part where I deny complaining about this stuff.

Related posts:

1. Costco’s Lil Monkey doll: When hiring no black people goes wrong

Tags: ABC Dating in the Dark Stuff White People Like White Whine