Note to Rolling Stone: Megan Fox is not sexy

in Movies by griffn — September 17, 2009 at 9:00 am | 1 comment

megan_fox_rolling_stone So Rolling Stone just put Megan Fox on its cover and declared her “America’s Sexiest Bad Girl.” Only problem: Megan Fox is not sexy. No doubt, she’s physically attractive, she’s clearly comfortable expressing her sexuality, and I’m all for all that. But that vibe she gives off is definitely not sexy. It’s more like attention-seeking desperation from a woman who thinks she has little more to offer the world than a pretty face and low inhibitions.

Granted, I haven’t been paying attention that closely, but based on every interview I’ve ever seen her give, it’s clear that Megan Fox’s number one concern in life is that everyone knows how sexy she is. That’s not sexy.

And her film career isn’t much different. One of her first film gigs was as an extra in Bad Boys 2 playing “Stars-and-Stripes Bikini Kid Dancing Under Waterfall,” and it’s somehow been downhill from there. Rolling Stone describes her latest role in the upcoming film Jennifer’s Body as “a demon-girl who literally devours her horny high school classmates and engages in the most anticipated girl-on-girl make-out scene of the year.” Megan Fox is not America’s Sexiest Bad Girl, she’s America’s Girl in the Bar Pouring Beer on Her Shirt and Giving Lap Dances to Other Girls So All the Guys Will Watch.

Here are some other unsexy things Megan Fox has done:

▪ She rewarded director Michael Bay (you know, the guy who took her from complete obscurity to movie stardom when he gave her a lead role in his Transformers franchise) by saying he was “like Hitler” but “with no social skills at all.”

▪ She’s threatened to kill her boyfriend: “I’ve had to say to Brian, ‘You have to go and stop talking to me, because I’m going to kill you. I’m going to stab you with something. Please leave.’” Fox said. “I’d never own a gun for that reason. I wouldn’t shoot to kill. But I would shoot him in the leg, for sure.”

▪ In the new Rolling Stone, she is quoted as saying, “Men are scared of vaginas.” First, that might be the douchiest statement ever made about vaginas. Second, it’s not true. As a rule, guys generally don’t put their penises inside things they’re scared of. Men aren’t afraid of vaginas, we’re afraid of getting stabbed by the owners of said vaginas.

▪ She got this creepy picture of Marilyn Monroe’s face tattooed on her arm in a bit of misguided celebrity worship that’s about half a step away from all those bad Obama tattoos:

megan_fox_marilyn_monroe_tattoo

▪ According to an open letter to Megan Fox by the crew of Transformers:

On our first day in Egypt, the Egyptian government wouldn’t let us shoot because of a permit problem as the actors got ready in make up at the Four Seasons Hotel. Michael tried to make the best of it; he wanted to take the cast and crew on a private tour of the famous Giza pyramids. God hold us witness, Megan said, “I can’t believe Michael is fucking forcing us to go to the fucking pyramids!”

It’s not even important whether or not she actually said that. What’s important is that you get the overwhelming sense that she’s perfectly capable of saying something like that.

So, yeah, Rolling Stone, raise your standards please. I expect this kind of nonsense from Maxim and all those other soft-core men’s rags, but Rolling Stone is smarter than this. Megan Fox is America’s Sexiest Bad Girl the way Sarah Palin is America’s Folksiest Politician. Just because they think they are and just because their entire career depends on them convincing us they are, doesn’t make it so.

Tags: Bad Boys 2 Barack Obama Brian Austin Green Jennifers Body Marilyn Monroe Maxim Megan Fox Michael Bay Rolling Stone Sarah Palin sexy tattoos Transformers