I realize President Obama is harder to spoof than the deliberately slow President Bush or the slick, fun-loving President Clinton.  But Armisen can surely do better than just talking straight to camera in his regular speaking voice and spouting recycled Daily Show punch lines.  Armisen’s skit on Obama’s Nobel Prize was about the millionth bit of worldwide commentary to point out that Obama won for not being Bush.  (Seth Meyer managed to score some originality points later in Weekend Update by stating that, in other premature awards, a nine-year-old had just been named People’s Sexiest Man Alive.)

Will Ferrell and later Will Forte both managed to find quirks in Bush’s personality (wild overconfidence and childish whininess, respectively) without it turning into just a guy with a Southern drawl saying dumb stuff.  Darrell Hammond could draw huge laughs from his Clinton character with just a smarmy bite of his lip.  I find Fred Armisen to be generally hilarious, but it’s clear that he has no idea how to make Obama funny.  In fact, I think it’s safe to say that Obama is significantly funnier in real life than Armisen’s impression of him onstage.

And what makes it all worse is that not only is Saturday Night Live sticking with Armisen as the Impersonator in Chief, but they’re determined to trot him out at the beginning of every show to do an Obama skit, regardless of whether or not Obama had actually made any significant news that week.  This became clear last weekend, when the Balloon Boy hoax had been the entire national buzz for two straight days, complete with a cornucopia of spoof-able moments such as anything Richard Heene had said or done in the previous 48 hours. So of course SNL kicked off the show with a skit about Obama turning into the Hulk in order to get health care passed.  And of course, the skit wasn’t funny until after Fred Armisen’s Obama turned into The Rock’s Obama.  Even then it fizzled pretty awkwardly.

I’m guessing SNL’s emphasis on Obama is a continuation of last year, when their hilarious election season skits (thanks mostly to Tina Fey’s Emmy award winning portrayal of Sarah Palin) were the talk of the town.  But unless they’ve got something funny and semi-original to say about Obama, and someone funny to deliver it, they’re just turning the opening of every show into an uncommonly accurate advertisement of the next 90 minutes of uninspired comedy.

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A long lost Leonardo Di Vinci painting has been discovered.  Staying with the concept of boring painting names, its called: “Young Girl in Profile in Renaissance Dress.”  Cool that they found it though.

U.S. soccer forward Charlie Davies was injured in a serious (car cut in half serious) auto accident.  Fortunately it looks like he will be okay.  Unfortunately, one other person was not so lucky.

Remember that Lil Mama/Empire State of Mind debacle at the MTV VMA’s?  Apparently, Beyonce tried to stop it…to no avail.

DJ Khaled pitching for McDonalds is so hilarious that I actually forget its a huge sellout job for a company that needs no advertising.  Definitely worth a listen.

Breaking from previous administrations, President Obama is set to enter diplomatic talks with a raging wildfire.

The Nobel Prize committee breaks its traditional silence to defend their selection of Obama.

Top ten reasons why the new Republican website sucks.  #7: “The ‘what’s up’ page — hip! starts with this sentence: ‘the internet has been around for a while now.’”

Tracy Morgan uses his audio book to air out his beef with Chris Kattan and Cheri Oteri.

The new January Jones GQ spread is generating some buzz, but the Post-Gazette catches the real gem: She’s dressing up for Halloween as Troy Polamalu.

California first lady Maria Shriver gets caught breaking the new hands-free cell phone law.  Governor Schwarzenegger promises “swift action.”

And the ten worst sexy Halloween costumes.

Good Morning Forbes

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So…how was your weekend?

Obama says again that he’ll end Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, but still doesn’t say when.  Andrew Sullivan– who has coined Obama’s gay rights agenda “the fierce urgency of whenever”–  isn’t happy.

Meanwhile, an anonymous White House aide throws this weekend’s gay rights marchers under the bus.

Will black players refuse to play for a Rush Limbaugh-owned St. Louis Rams franchise?

Drew Magary’s take on the hopelessness of the Washington Redsk**s franchise might be one of the funniest posts ever written.  Meanwhile, the Washington Post links to a hilarious video of the Redsk**s as the Titanic.

Banned In Hollywood compiles a hilarious list of the top ten Internet butterfaces.  Number one looks like Michael Cera.

Good Morning Forbes.

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10. Kleine Zeitung (Graz, Austria)
Yeah, I just won a Nobel Prize, I bought this Flavor Flav sized peace medallion to celebrate, and my head is twice the size of my body, so what?  Say something about it.  You like the tie?  Huh?  With the stars and stripes?  Say something, I dare you.

9. Super Express (New York, New York)
I have no idea what language this newspaper is in, but I’m pretty sure “Za Co?!” translates to “The F*ck?!”  It’s also fun to guess what the story on the right is about.

8. The Ottawa Sun (Ottawa, Canada)
I can’t prove it, but I’m almost positive this front page is racist.  “City wins in bus spat?”  An obvious reference to how the Ottawa Sun wishes the 1955 Montgomery bus boycott had turned out.  And Obama looks like winning the Nobel Prize is the funniest joke he’s ever heard.  ‘CISM!!

7. Publico (Lisbon, Portugal)
Clearly, Obama’s only next logical step is to defeat Russia’s genetically-engineered boxing machine in a 15-round death match.  Or, wait, that’s Rocky.  I’m getting my 1980s Cold War propaganda mixed up.

6. Gulf News (Dubai, United Arab Emirates)
The Middle East version of The Drudge Report.

5. Correio Brazilense (Brasilia, Brazil)
Either Tiger Woods also won a Nobel Prize or this newspaper needs to hire a new cartoonist.

4. Die Tageszeitung (Berlin, Germany)
How do you say “WTF” in German?  Za Co?!

3. The Beaufort Gazette (Beaufort, South Carolina)
This front page tells you all you need to know about the local priorities in Beaufort, SC.  Top story: Golfer in stable condition after gator attack.  Oh, and the President won a Nobel Peace Prize.

2. The Jakarta Post (Jakarta, Indonesia)
Check out the headline for the Nobel Prize story: “Some like it, some don’t.”  I love how it gives you absolutely no information and could easily be applied to any other story in the newspaper.  “Dodgers beat Cards– Some like it, some don’t.” “Police kill two brother outlaws– Some like it, some don’t.”  I also love how they made it look like Obama is checking out Miss Indonesia.

1. The Dispatch (Casa Grande, Arizona)
This might be the most awesome front page ever.  The President just won a Nobel Peace Prize.  Marge Simpson just got the cover of Playboy.  How can we link these two stories?  I’d give anything to have been a fly on the wall of that editorial meeting.

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I have many leather bound books.

Michele Beadle, of Sports Nation fame, parodies Brett Favre wrangler commercials during that show in which they set the Guiness record for mentioning the word “Favre”.  If the rest of the show was this interesting (it wasn’t), I may have watched (I wouldn’t).

Darth Vader has a new girlfriend, and Luke isn’t happy about it.

The New York Times digs through Michelle Obama’s ancestry, all the way back to slavery, and seems surprised to find some white folks.  Duh.

Again, the most important story you won’t read this week: Which countries secretly declared war on the U.S. dollar?

NBC continues to shoot itself in the foot by canceling it’s best new show Southland.  Apparently, the execs saw the first few episodes of the new season and decided it’s too gritty for 9:00 p.m.  And they can’t air it at 10:00 because Leno is too busy tanking in the ratings every night.

And the President of the United States Barack Obama just won the Nobel Peace Prize.  That sound you hear is the Republican Party’s head exploding.  They only celebrate when America loses.

Good Morning Forbes.

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Classy.

Leave it to the Japanese to make an iPhone app that allows for upskirts.

Anna Nicole Smith…murderer?

As if I needed another reason to like Harry Connick Jr. ( I didn’t, he’s awesome) He’s getting on people about Black Face.

The Jets trade for Braylon Edwards in an effort to increase their offense’s dropped passes and legal problems.

The new Pittsburgh-based medical drama Three Rivers tanked in the ratings on Sunday.  But which idiot at CBS decided to air the debut episode during the Steelers game?

The new health care system looks a lot like the old health care system.

Obama will give a major gay rights speech this weekend to distract everyone from the fact that he’s so far done nothing on the issue.

Good Morning Forbes.

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Words to live by.

Everyone is reporting that Justin Timberlake and Jessica “Shelf” Biel have parted ways.  Then we saw pictures of them together.  Now? pretty believable analysis on why they’re actually separated.

Jessica Alba has been cast in the third Fockers movie. Why is there a third movie, and why is she in it?

Fox News Evening Ratings are actually trending at the same rate as they were during the ‘08 election.  Not to jump to conclusions…but this definitely means that the whole country is racist.

Getting your blog on?  Should you use a localized domain name, or not?

I don’t know about you, but I always love my “So you think you can dance” with a side of vagina.  Look, my prayers have been answered! SYTYCD, now with “Forbidden Lady Parts”.  Probably not safe for work, unless you work in the porn industry…in which case…dude, you’re going to be so desensitized, there’s no reason to click anyway.

Jets fans get creative and dirty with their customized Mark Sanchez jerseys.

A prominent conservative site advocates a military coup “to resolve the Obama problem.”

Republican National Committee leader Michael Steele thinks Obama should have better things to do than fly to Denmark to lobby for the Olympics to come to America.  The White House’s brilliant response: Why does Michael Steele hate America?

The most boneheaded play in high school football history gets immortalized on YouTube.

Good Morning Forbes

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Cougar Town…its on Tonight.  (via Imnotobsessed)

Jennifer Ellison is pregnant. Ask me how I knew.

New Chris Brown music…No women were beaten during the making of this song…I think.

I thought it would be inadvertent, but apparently ESPN is trying to set the Guiness Book World Record for saying “Favre”.  They are trying to make me hate them.

New Rule @ Tufts University?  No sex while your roomate is in the room.

Jon & Kate Plus 8 is dropping Jon Gosselin and changing the show’s name to Kate Plus 8.  Hopefully, next year it’ll just be Plus 8.

John Travolta is acknowledging that his recently deceased son Jett had autism, which might mean he’s leaving the Cult Church of Scientology.

Brett Ratner on Roman Polanski: “The family has forgiven him. The victim has forgiven him. The rest of the world has forgiven him.”  Now if only the legal system could just get over the pettiness of prosecuting a convicted child rapist who fled the country for three decades to escape sentencing.  Also, the rest of the world hasn’t forgiven him.

The Obamas are going all in to get the 2016 Summer Olympics in Chicago.

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Yesterday, he “defended” Obama critics like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh against Jimmy Carter’s assertion that their criticism was fueled by racism.  Here’s Colbert responding to Beck and Limbaugh’s claims that health care reform would amount to reparations for black people:

Those guys aren’t racist.  They’re just saying a program that helps the poor is actually a secret plot by African-Americans to steal white people’s money.  A racist would say it’s a secret plot to steal white people’s women.

The Colbert Report	Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word – Blackwashing
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor

When you see it like that, you realize how insane it is that the White House gave people like Beck and Limbaugh cover by insisting that their criticism was not fueled by racism.  Like, what exactly do they have to say to qualify?  Saying that Obama wants to steal white people’s money and give it to black people isn’t enough?  Calling Obama a “racist” who has “a deep-seated hatred for white people” isn’t enough?

This brings to mind a post Andrew Sullivan made yesterday, an e-mail sent to him by a reader of his blog about what the right-wing hysteria about SOCIALISM! and COMMUNISM! actually means and why they never complained about it under Bush or Clinton.  It’s worth printing in its entirety:

Of course they are screaming ’socialism’. They’ve been doing that since the 50s at least. They’re not talking about economic redistribution of wealth – they never have been. They’ve been talking about redistribution of privilege this whole time. They called MLK a communist because he wanted blacks to have the same rights as whites, and to them that was a redistribution of the privilege that whites had ‘earned’.

In their view, white, Christian, heterosexuals have earned something that gays, non-Christians, and non-heteros have failed to work hard enough at. It’s been a class war from the outset, just not one based around income or net worth – mostly because the whites in the south were economically pretty bad off and blacks in the north were catching up to them.

This picture shows they were pushing the same buttons half a century ago that they are today. Anti-christ, communism – it’s all the same as it is today and is well known code. It’s why the protesters will decry socialism today but wouldn’t have under Bush – it’s all tied to race and other social objectives and has nothing really to do with taxation, deficits, and big government. You probably missed it when you came to the US, but this is pretty old game – particularly to guys like Carter that grew up around it.

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It’s foolish to think we can hold onto a majority by playing it safe and not getting anything done.  There is a whole lot of room to move between playing it safe and being crazy single-minded drones like Republicans.  No one is saying we should copy their MO, just a little of their conviction.

When we lose seats in 2010, as is highly likely, then we’ll all take to the blogs whining about how the Republicans are ramming stuff down our throats that we don’t like.  What the fuck are we doing now?

Ugh…you know, the truth is that though Democrats are supposed to be the liberal party, the party of opposition, they are not.  They truly are a hodgepodge of people who don’t like the modern Republican Party.  That doesn’t necessarily equal liberal or progressive.

So we have one party and a bunch of people who don’t like that party.  That’s it.

There are two things this brings to mind for me.  The first is the interview Bill Maher did with Bill Moyer a few weeks ago, where Moyer said that the reason Democrats can’t seem to accomplish things that have large public support (like meaningful health care reform) is because America is actually not a two-party democracy, it’s a one-party corporatocracy.  While we think we’re sending our representatives to Washington with our votes, our representatives think (correctly) that they’re actually being sent to Washington by the money they’ve raised from various corporations.  And because Democrats and Republicans get their money from the same corporations, they basically have the same non-progressive, status quo agenda once voted in, regardless of how they frame it in speeches.

Republicans are less hypocritical in this respect because conservatism by definition is keeping things as is, and Republicans are great at getting that done (hence their exclusion from the title of this post).  Democrats, on the other hand, have the extra hurdle of keeping things as is while making it look like they’re delivering on the change they promised.  Of course, there are always social issues that will genuinely get the support of one party over another; and for that reason alone our votes are still worth something.  But if the issue involves some large corporation’s bottom line– even for issues as grave as war– it’s almost always going to go whichever way Wall Street pushes it.

The other thing tigger500’s post brings to mind is a post by Matthew Yglesias a few weeks ago about how the prevailing moral value in Washington is cynical self-interest.  Yglesias writes:

For example, Senators who genuinely do believe that carbon dioxide emissions are contributing to a global climate crisis seem to think nothing of nevertheless taking actions that endanger the welfare of billions of people on the grounds that acting otherwise would be politically problematic in their state. In other words, they don’t want to do the right thing because their self-interest points them toward doing something bad. But it’s impossible to imagine these same Senators stabbing a homeless person in a dark DC alley to steal his shoes. And what’s more, the entire political class would be (rightly!) shocked and appalled by the specter of a Senator murdering someone for personal gain. Yet it’s actually taken for granted that “my selfish desires dictate that I do x” constitutes a legitimate reason to do the wrong thing on important legislation.

So basically you have a lot of politicians, Democrat and Republican, whose primary guiding value on every issue is whatever will help them get reelected.  Voting for health care reform may be a godsend to the millions of their constituents who are uninsured and underinsured and the millions more who are vulnerable to health-care-induced bankruptcy.  But if that means opening themselves up to attack in 2010 from a primary challenger who might run commercials labeling them a socialist or might put their picture up next to a potentially unpopular Obama, they won’t do it.

And if there’s any doubt that self-interest is the prevailing value in Washington, consider that 90% to 98% of House incumbents get reelected every term, which is among the highest incumbency rates in the world (over the last 20 years, the Senate has been between 75% and 96%).  There simply is nothing else that gets accomplished by Congress with that kind of bipartisan consistency.

With that said, Obama will get some version of health care reform passed this year, if for no other reason than because he’s gotten the insurance companies on board.  That’s the good news.  The bad news is that he’s gotten the insurance companies on board, which no doubt means that somewhere there’s been a tradeoff where the American people are getting screwed at the expense of higher profits.  If Matt Taibbi’s enlightening and devastating Rolling Stone article is any indication, our government is currently fixing our broken health care system by putting lipstick on the pig and then forcing everyone to buy into it (two things Obama vehemently opposed during the campaign).

The public option has already been watered down because Republicans argued against it, saying it would provide Americans with better coverage at lower cost and thus force insurance companies to improve their services or go out of business.  Let me say that again.  The argument against the public option is that it would provide Americans with better coverage at lower cost.  Is there any question who our politicians really work for?

The bottom line is that there are certain very serious crises– like health care and global warming– that involve deeply entrenched corporate interests, and our government in its current state cannot fix them.  The inmates will never regulate the asylum (as we saw illustrated by last year’s financial collapse), especially if it means getting back in their cells and handing the keys over to the warden.

The maddeningly simple solution to all this is two-fold: campaign finance reform and congressional term limits. Campaign finance reform, if done properly, will take the corporate money out of politics.  It will ensure that our health care legislation will not be written by politicians whose campaigns are dependent upon funding from Aetna, Blue Cross, and Kaiser Permanente.  It will ensure that our global warming legislation is not sponsored by the good people at Exxon Mobil.  And it will ensure that our leaders in Washington don’t dedicate half their time and resources to raising money.

Congressional term limits will put a big dent in the plague of Washington self-interest.  It will ensure that all 535 members of Congress aren’t at all times facing a future reelection bid.  It will ensure that there are no nine-term 91-year-old U.S. Senators who are faced with the choice of getting reelected and rejoining lifelong colleagues back in Washington to work for another six years or going back home to West Virginia to die.  And it will ensure that things like morality and the greater good have a bigger say in our government, and that every decision Congress makes isn’t solely dependent on the individual fortunes of those voting.

Will campaign finance reform and congressional term limits solve all our government’s problems?  No.  We’ll think of new ones.  But the fact is, our political system is broken; it works reliably and efficiently for those in it, but not for the people it’s meant to serve.  Simply put, corporate money and unlimited term limits are cancers that infect everything our government does.  Unless we cut them out completely, the concerns of ordinary Americans will continue to be a distant third on Washington’s list of priorities.

POSTSCRIPT: Right now, in a case that has received very little media attention (Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission), the Supreme Court is in the process of lifting the current restrictions on corporate spending in political elections.  Needless to say, this would pour gasoline on every single issue our country faces.  The corporate personhood argument being made by conservative justices is based on the belief that our founding fathers intended for corporations to have the same rights and privileges– including contributing to political campaigns– as individuals.  First, this entire argument is based not on any prior court decision or anything our founding fathers ever said, but on an off-the-record comment made by Chief Justice Morrison Waite in 1886.  Second, this is a case where legal theory pales in comparison to the stark reality of what a Biblical flood of special-interest money would do to our government.  Meanwhile, Justice Sonia Sotomayor– in one of her first significant actions on the Court– is challenging the entire foundation of corporate personhood law.  Unfortunately, she appears to be outnumbered.

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