The new King of Pop is Kanye West, according to sources named Kanye West.  Apparently, this was said a month ago– on June 29– but Bossip picked it up off an obscure website yesterday, and it’s just now making the rounds on the blogosphere.  It should be noted that there are some doubts that this story is for real.  But there are also some legit publications running with this, publications that have a better fact-checking department than we do.  Anyway, here’s Kanye on Kanye:

“You know everyone loves and respects Michael but times change. It’s so sad to see Michael gone but it makes a path for a new King of Pop and I’m willing to take that on.  There’s nobody who can match me in sales and in respect so it only makes sense for me to take over Michael’s crown and become the new King,” said West. “First there was Elvis, then there was Michael, now in the 21st century its Kanye’s time to rule. I have nothing but respect for Michael but someone needs to pick up where he left off and there’s nobody better than me to do that. I am the new King of Pop.” …

West has reportedly tried to make contact with members of the Jackson clan to obtain official permission to use the title but has thus far received no response. It is believed the family is mourning the death of their loved one and have given little thought to the line of succession.

I promise you, I Googled and re-Googled this, I even checked Snopes, because I just can’t believe this nonsense went down four days after Michael Jackson’s death.  On June 29, I was still in a daze, with Human Nature playing on a loop on my laptop.  Apparently, Kanye was busy phoning the Jackson family in the midst of their funeral arrangements to lay claim to a fake title.  Put that autopsy on hold and wipe away those tears, Janet, I’m calling you to confirm that I’m the new Mayor of Munchkin City.

It’s true that Mike likely bestowed the title King of Pop on himself (according to his Wikipedia entry, Elizabeth Taylor popularized the term at an awards ceremony).  But when he did it, it was already obvious that he was.  There were no challengers.  No one had the ammo to say, “Yeah, you made Off the Wall, Thriller, and Bad, but I made…”  When Michael Jackson took the King of Pop title in the late ‘80s, everyone’s reaction was, “Oh. Well, yeah, obviously.”

Which brings me to the King of Pop Rule for all future applicants: If it isn’t obviously apparent who the King of Pop is, then there isn’t one.  This isn’t a title that should be awarded by default; I say Mike keeps the title until someone takes it from him.  And that someone is not Kanye West– a talented rapper and performer (though not the best in the biz at either), but a horrific singer, even with the aid of Auto-Tune.

True story: I downloaded Love Lockdown (*cough* legally) back when that song was blowing up the air waves.  I listened to it for ten seconds and stopped.  Kanye was so badly out of tune, I literally thought I had downloaded an MP3 of some dude singing in his basement and trying to get some shine by labeling his song under Kanye’s name.  I went back and downloaded another (*cough* legal) version of it and it sounded exactly the same.  Slowly, the realization hit me.  Kanye West is a really terrible singer, and we simply do not have the technology to fix it.

Anyway, back to the King of Pop title.  Some people think it’s Usher.  Chris Brown’s name was thrown around the discussion before he threw Rihanna around his car.  I think Justin Timberlake has a legit claim to the throne– if the ladies and gentleman of the jury would consider his brilliant musical and comedic work on Saturday Night Live.  But if we’re being serious, the new King of Pop is most likely a Queen of Pop.  ‘Cause Beyonce is probably the most current artist who’s even approaching the sales and swagger and artistic diversity of Michael Jackson.  But is she “Oh. Well, yeah, obviously” the Queen of Pop?  Not as long as Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey are alive.

Related posts:

1. Jay-Z (ft. Rihanna & Kanye West) Run This Town
2. Joe Wilson, Kanye West, and conservative priorities
3. Good Morning Forbes — Kanye West/Taylor Swift Edition